What Christmas Means to Me

Note: Most of my blogging lately has been at my family website: parkspages.com


Looking through the lens of my new secular viewpoint, I stopped to think about the meaning of the holidays -- why should I continue to celebrate them? What do they actually mean to me?

The winter holidays are a celebration of death and of life, of ending and of beginning, and ultimately, of hope.

Winter is a time when snow blankets the life of the land, when only pine and fir trees show the promise of spring in their enduring green. The end of the year is near, all is quiet. Winter is a time of waiting.

We wait for spring, for the earth to renew itself, for plants to bud, for the world to grow green with new life.

This is why the peoples of old celebrated it. Winter is a time of hardship, of scarcity, but the coming sun, the coming growth, the coming rebirth holds hope for us, hope for plenty, for a better life.

This is likely why winter was chosen for Jesus' birthdate. The Christ child holds the same hope -- hope that we can be redeemed, that we can be forgiven for our past mistakes and wrongdoing. That we can start anew with the world, and be better people, cleared of past sin.

The holidays to me are a chance to reaffirm the bonds of family and friendship, to meditate on the hope that the world will be better in the coming year. We hope that we will be washed clean from the travails of the previous year in preparation for a better one.

We show our dedication to this goodness through the giving of gifts, the sharing of song, of wine, of warmth and good food. We try to touch all those that are far away, that we haven't contacted in a while.

Hope. A time of reaffirming our dedication to a better world, to being better people. That's what Christmas means to me.

I Am Not Joe

A friend's blog wrote about Sam Wurzelbacher, AKA Joe the Plumber, and pointed to this blog.

Here's a quote from that entry:

I hope you will join me in expressing a simple bit of solidarity with this guy, Spartacus style. I AM JOE. I am a Wal Mart schlub in flyover country who changes my own oil and unclogs drains without a license. I smoke and drink beer and toss the football in the front yard with my kid, and I figure I can fend my way without handouts from some Magic Messiah's candy bags. Most everyone in my family and most everyone I grew up with is another Joe, and if you screw with them, you screw with me.

Here are some areas where I disagree with this sentiment:

• Solidarity is nice, but joining one guy's group just to oppose another's is just one more way to create division, and a pretty dumb reason.
  
  
• Referring to "some Magic Messiah's candy bags" obviously refers to Obama's tax plan as somehow giving out money to the poor, which is not it's goal. It is a partisan comment and therefore fuels the position this fellow is taking, and to boot, reveals a lack of understanding.
  
  If you watch the 5-minute clip that started all this crap, unfiltered by the media, you hear that the "increased" tax is a 3% difference for folks bringing home $250K+ (39% vs. 36% tax rate), which A) only returns taxes to the place they were pre-GW, and B) wouldn't increase Sam the plumber's taxes anyway -- it would lower them.
  
  
• Stating that you are a "Wal Mart schlub" shows that your interest is more focused on yourself than the economy of the country in any case, as Wal-Mart's vendor policies are focused on lowering prices to their customers at any cost -- even the cost of those vendors' companies. Supporting money-grubbing companies and saying that makes you more for the little guy just doesn't jive with me. YMMV.
  

I am no economist. I've heard both candidates state their plans, and I've made my own decision on which makes more sense to me. It just so happens that Scott Adams' survey of US economists agrees with me, but that survey can be viewed through many lenses.

I work for a living. I mow my own lawn, I've changed my own oil. I drink beer and kick the soccer ball in the front yard with my kid. I don't smoke, but like my friend who wrote the blog entry that led to this post, my child goes to a pay school (not a public school). Unlike him, I've never made $250K or more in one year -- never came close, and likely won't.

But am I NOT some "schlub" who's main goal is to make my way on the shoulders of others -- either by not paying taxes, working without proper licenses, or getting a free-ride from the government rather than putting the effort in to make my own money -- what they incorrectly think is the goal of Obama's tax plan.

I am NOT Joe.

I am not the same as this guy, and neither is the guy who wrote the quote above, nor the guy who writes the blog that pointed me there. We are all different, living in different circumstances, and facing them in different ways.

What happened to Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher after he stood in front of news cameras and asked the favored presidential candidate if his tax plan would increase his taxes when he bought a plumbing company (which he has no plan to) and it made $250K+ a year (which it might, but wouldn't go directly to him anyway), and then heard an answer that was honest and straightforward (rather than pandering to what the candidate thought he might like to hear), is a sad story.

First, the candidate that Wurzelbacher supported brought him to national attention, using him as a campaign foil (regardless of the fact that his opponent's plan favored him much more than his own), then the media dove into his past and exposed every conceivable negative aspect of it to the world.

Was it fair for him to be treated this way? No, not really. Should his story have been exploited for political gain? No, he's not representative of very many folks. Should the media have tried to discredit him? No, but if you expect the media to be fair and unbiased, then you are living in a fantasy land.

The media machine's goals are and always have been, to sell their media -- newspapers, TV, web, etc. -- in order to make money from ad revenue. And with today's 24-hour media free-for-all where news is what you make of it, less and less gets more and more attention.

Welcome to the 21st Century, Sam "Joe the Plumber" Wurzelbacher.

I'm sorry that your decisions led you to where you are, but I can't stand with you in opposition to the big bad politicians and corporations that exploited you.

I'm already opposing them my own way -- through my vote for the candidate with the best plan.

Is It Really a PDA?

When I worked at The Worst Job I Ever Had, they contributed to a technology purchase in lieu of getting me a laptop bag or Franklin Planner -- a Palm T|X.

I had a Palm III way back when, and then later, a Handspring Visor (which was tres cool!). I loved that Visor.

So when I had the opportunity to upgrade it to a Palm with wifi capability and a color screen that would allow me to watch videos streamed from SD cards, I jumped at the chance. I even purchased a better file manager and the Fitaly keyboard. It was very nice, albeit a bit buggy with the Blazer browser and such. VersaMail worked pretty well, though. I held on to it, using it off and on for a couple of years. Recently, I have been in an "off" section of time, though I have been watching Justice League episodes on it.

This last Sunday was my birthday. My wife snuck out a few days before and bought me a frivolous gift that I mentioned that I wanted (okay, I gushed about it like a little girl). In any case, I was surprised Sunday morning with a bag containing a bright, shiny, new iPod Touch 2.0, 16GB.

Even though the iPod pricing has come down, this is still a $300 do-dad, which gave me great pause. Do I really need something this expensive for watching videos and checking email at Panera? Do I really want something fancy to replace my tried and true Palm T|X?

I have been agonizing over this decision. Here's what I've been thinking about:

• The two units have a lot in common: wifi, a browser, a media player, and lots of storage memory (SD cards on Palm, 16GB on iPod Touch)

• I rarely used the wifi on my Palm, and used the email, calendar, and contacts only slightly more

• My T|X is only about two years old -- it has lots of life left in it

• Sure, the Touch is very swanky (and slimmer and lighter), but do I really need to replace a device I only used sporadically?

I was also curious about whether or not the Touch could be used as a PDA, or if it was just a glorified media player (read: TOY). So I began researching what it could do. I found a bunch of references to using it as a productivity tool -- as a true PDA.

That got me to thinking. It has email, calendar, and browser, PLUS it will sync all those with my MacBook Pro ... but could it's limited applications compete with the tens of thousands of apps out there for the Palm?

I checked for comparisons -- people who had a Palm T|X, but were considering, or had switched to, the Touch. I found a few that made that switch, that compared the two, and found the Touch equal or superior to the Palm.

Then I thought about why I never used the Palm at Panera to surf ... and I remembered taking 5 to 10 minutes trying to get the browser going, only to have it be slow and a pain in the ass to use. I thought about the calendar, contacts and email -- all hallmarks of a PDA -- that would be even easier to use on the Touch by being synced to my laptop.

And after all that, it seemed more and more likely that the Touch could be the PDA that I wanted. In fact, I was terrified that it would be near, but never meet, what I wanted, but the chance was still there.

So I took the leap.

I decided to keep it.

I opened it.

I charged it today and set up wifi at two locations, synced my contacts and calendar, and even set up my work email -- on IMAP, no less. I added a couple of movies to see what they would look like (Buckaroo Banzai and Appleseed).

And I have to say ... it's FANTASTIC! I love this device. It does more than I thought it would, and it does it all beautifully! It's light years ahead of the Palm in functionality and usefulness to me!

I was disappointed when I switched from the Handspring to the T|X, because the only things I added were color, media, and wifi -- with all the other apps being the same as they were on my 5+ year-old device.

I think the iPod Touch can be a very effective PDA, and I'm so glad that I decided to keep it. I'll try to keep posting on my experiences.

Democracy ... at Work

This is an interesting read.

Imagine a company that:

• Lets you vote on the CEO's performance – and lets you, not your boss, determine your work projects.

• Uses e-mail discussion lists to make critical decisions, practicing full transparency so everyone is kept in the loop.

• Rotates all leadership roles on a regular basis.

Read the article....

Found via The Chief Happiness Officer.

A Schlepping Party

So the wife asks if I want to go to Buffalo for the weekend to attend a party.

What kind of party? I asked.

A Schlepping Party, she says.

What's Schlepping? I asked.

Well, it's part of the big Graduation Party they're having for my brother Matt, who's graduating high school.

Well, says I, I'll miss Gaming Sunday™, but since it's a one-time thing, I'll go.

Well, we all know what schlepping is, now don't we?

"Schlepping" means moving stuff.

Lot's of stuff, in this case.

Two other guys and I helped her dad move 100 wooden folding chairs and 14 giant tables from a church to some trucks to the park to some trucks and back to the church. All in one day.

Oh, and I moved four giant wooden picnic tables across the park, and hefted about four more from the shelter to under a tent and back again.

Needless to say, I was tired.

But that's okay, the party was a lot of fun -- it only rained twice, for only about 1-2 hours each time -- and the next day I got to rest while driving six hours home.

Ugh. My body is bent and broken.

Of course the best part, the part that rounded off the whole trip, that made leaving on Friday and coming home on Sunday the best thing ever, was coming home to find one of my cats locked in the coat closet.

Where he was for two days.

Where he scratched to get out.

Where he peed all over some gloves and stuff on the floor.

Where he seems to have lost a bit of weight.

*SIGH*

Why is it that cats run into closets when you open them, without letting you know?

Oh, well.

It was a pretty good, if tiring weekend.

Congraduations, Matt!

Trying on a New Hat

At my new job, there are a variety of tasks that fall to me.

As I mentioned before, one of the first things I had to do was to locate a facility for our office. Well, we finally got the keys to the place today. It was a stressful task, and now all the stress over finding a place will be traded in for all the stress over furnishing the place. Yeegads.

Which brings me to the first item: My wife and I drove to Holland, MI to get some office furniture. We ended up bringing home six, $700 chairs ... for which we paid only $99 each. Rock!

Side Note: On the way back, we stopped at My Buddy Ronn's new apartment in Grand Rapids. He's got some pretty nice digs -- roomy place, view of a huge pond, and handy bike paths -- all for less than I paid 15 years ago in Ypsilanti for a smaller pad. Rock!

One other hat I have to wear is Marketing Guru. I've already posted the business card I put together based on the graphic firm's design, but this time I had to do something I've thought about, but never really done before. I had to create an ad for our company, to appear in the October issue of Linux+DVD magazine.

I fretted over this night after night, coming up with slogans, reading about how to create a print ad, and just generally stressing out. But on the way back from Grand Rapids, My wife and I chatted about it and generated an ad that could blossom into a full-on campaign (or at least a series of connected ads). It's by no means professional, but compared to some of the ads I've seen, it's not half bad.

In any case, here's the final product, after multiple tweaks (including dropping the clip art and hand-drawing the silhouettes). Check it out:

Let's Talk Stress

I'm working my new job, and I'm loving it. But the things I have to juggle are causing me a bit of tension.

We're moving into an office/light industrial park from a home-based business and this means we have to get everything: desks, chairs, dividers, phones, networking, backup power, toilet brush, alarm systems, insurance, pencils, garbage cans, barcode scanner, portable AC units, and -- of course -- a coffee machine. Can't live without that.

To top it off, we'll need to build an enclosure for the network gear and even run some plumbing if we want anything resembling a kitchen sink. But before we do all that, we have to have a lawyer read the lease, the building has to be cleaned, and we have to turn over the security deposit and first month's rent. Did I mention I had to find the building in the first place?

Yeegads. This is a lot of things to keep running at the same time, to try to schedule convergence of them all at move-in time. And on top of this, I need to be as frugal as I possibly can. This is a startup, after all.

This is a pretty big project for me, which I have to complete while simultaneously doing marketing & advertising.

I have to say, I'm feeling the burn.

The Story of Stuff

My wife pointed me to this site:



It's a 20-minute video that talks about why we have so much stuff -- why there's so much to buy, why we buy it, and what it really costs us.

You should check it out. It's worth the time.

The Whole Nine Years

Well, yesterday was Tara and my nine-year wedding anniversary. We didn't really celebrate it -- life has been consistently getting in the way. There are just too many things that we need to do to allow us to do the things we want to do.

We did take the kids out for some games and munchies at Lucky Strike, but that wasn't really an anniversary celebration. In fact, we weren't even thinking about our anniversary much. It was more of a consistently-appearing epiphany, a *DING* "it's your anniversary, stupid!" kind of moment, jumping up at odd times during the day.

So, to honor this momentous occasion, albeit a day late, I present to you the vows we made to each other on that day in June, nine years ago, standing outside the carriage house in Ann Arbor.

Tara Marie, I choose you
to be my companion, my partner, my lover.
I choose you to be my wife.

And to you, I make this vow:
I promise to love you.
I will be a pillar of strength in your times of sadness and trouble.
I will remember the love you hold for me when I feel anger or fear.

To you, I make this vow:
I promise to honor you.
I will hold you in the highest esteem in all situations.
I will support you in all your endeavors.

To you, I make this vow:
I promise to cherish you.
I will keep you in my heart at all times, whether we are together or apart.
I will let no other displace you in the vault of my heart.

Tara Marie, to you I make these vows.


Douglas Mitchell, I choose you
to be my companion, my partner, my lover.
I choose you to be my husband.

And to you, I make this vow:
I promise to love you.
I will be a pillar of strength in your times of sadness and trouble.
I will remember the love you hold for me when I feel anger or fear.

To you, I make this vow:
I promise to honor you.
I will hold you in the highest esteem in all situations.
I will support you in all your endeavors.

To you, I make this vow:
I promise to cherish you.
I will keep you in my heart at all times, whether we are together or apart.
I will let no other displace you in the vault of my heart.

Douglas Mitchell, to you I make these vows.

I love you.

Let the Paladin Be Avenged!

Yesterday (June 26), a freak, crazy storm passed through Plymouth while I was upstairs on the phone, working. Our power flickered and my call dropped, but she called me back on my cell phone.

While still chatting, I heard a huge gust of wind and a smattering of sudden rain, and with a *WHOOSH* it was gone.

I looked out the window at my neighbor's roof and saw some leaves on there and could just make out the rain hitting the shingles. I remarked on the rain, and my wife mentioned that the car windows were down.

Boom, we run downstairs and I go close the car windows, but by then, my wife had found it: the remains of our gazebo. The canvas top that goes over the wire frame was caught in the wind, came partway off, and was used to pull the poor thing over.

Here are the photos:




I may be able to resurrect it, but we'll just have to see after I have some time to examine and disassemble it.

And that's the end of the story. The mighty gazebo has finally fallen.

SmartFTP ... SmartWTF?

I just went to help my wife with SmartFTP, the program I've been lauding for several years. It's free, it works very well, and, well, its free. Heck, even LifeHacker promotes it as a great program.

They have this 72-day rolling upgrade schedule. If your install is over 72 days old, they want you to download the latest one with all the bugfixes. I've used this for many years, and I've updated it many times. Of course, now that I'm on the Mac, I use a different program, but for the PCs, it's been SmartFTP all the way.

So I went to help her with it, and it asked us to install the latest version. Cool. I did it. And then: Bing!



So they've converted to a pay version -- now you have to BUY it or it will STOP WORKING.

And they did this with no notice. It's another case of screwing the customer. I mean, I don't care if they want to convert to a pay version. It was a good program, they should make money at it. But to offer it for free for several years and then start charging with no notice, without giving folks an opportunity to just keep using the version they have? WTF?

Way to alienate your customer base, SmartFTP. Good job.

At least they responded in an apologetic, supportive way to customer concerns about it, and then provided alternatives to their long-time customers.

Oh wait. They didn't. They response was essentially, "F you."

... and then they closed the forum thread so no one else could express their anger.

I think this bloke sums it all up quite well:

The only thing worse than shareware is freeware that changes its mind and becomes shareware. ... Wonder how long smartftp will remain the most popular ftp client now? Not bloody long I would guess."

I am so angry.

Well, he recommends FileZilla, which I've seen before. I guess we'll try that. And not because SmartFTP is no longer free, but rather because their focus has changed from producing an excellent program to screwing the customer for a buck.

Satan's Long Reach

So I've been moving away from this whole spiritual thing and more into reality and understanding the world as it really is. But every now and then some of the old superstitions pop back up as though they were natural, and not learned behaviors.

For instance, today my 8-year-old daughter was cleaning her room and listening to some Disney CD she received as a gift -- you know, the kind with a bunch of pretty people groomed by professionals, doing covers of successful songs as though they were real artist, pushed on kids as part of the Disney exploitation machine -- when I heard a decidedly un-Disney-like song coming from her room: Runnin' with the Devil.

Now, I don't know this song, and it kind of caught me off guard. I mean, running with the devil ... you know, Satan, Lucifer ... that guy. I realize the song is pretty much harmless, but the whole devil thing struck a chord. I mean, she shouldn't be listening to songs about the devil, should she?

But then again, why not?

Not too long ago, I was watching the second season of the new Doctor Who. One duo of episodes was "The Impossible Planet" and "The Satan Pit." The episodes are about a crew on a planet that's orbiting a black hole. They're drilling to center of the world, but there's supposed to be an ancient evil down there.

And the Doctor finds it. It's a remarkably Satan-like demon-thing that looks like this:



My daughter was watching the show with me when they found some occultish writing, and when the doctor found the Satan-like dude. And it made me really uncomfortable. I thought -- this is wrong. She shouldn't see this, this ... demon-stuff ... it's ... eeeviiil.

But I realized that, since the devil wasn't real, it didn't really matter. I expressed this to my wife, who said, yeah, if it had been a giant robot, I wouldn't have given it a second thought. And my daughter was moved less by this CG monstrosity than she was by the evil woman in "Madeline: Lost in Paris" (coincidentally a Disney production).

It's weird how the prejudices and superstitions of our upbringing sneak in to our daily lives, jumping out of the shadows to remind us that they're still there. It seems we are the products of our upbringing, striving always to assert our individuality.

Big Brother Google

So there I was checking directions using Google Maps, and boom! I found that my house was hit by Street View:



Yep. That's my car. It was last summer, but there it is.

Couple this with the fact that I just applied for my passport and there's no denying it:

The Man. The Man has my number.

When I got my driver's license at age 18, I felt like I'd given away my freedom to the government. From then on out, they had all my info -- my name, number, height, weight, address, etc. etc.

I feel kinda like Big Brother has his hand on my shoulder.

Bwahahahaha! Firefox 3 Is Mine! MINE, I Tell You!

Okay, so my wife doesn't understand this whole "download Firefox 3" thing I'm doing. She doesn't understand why I'm so excited about it. She supports me, but I think it perplexes her.

Maybe she doesn't understand just how utterly useful Firefox really is. (I mean, she might, but it's not that big a deal to her -- she's been using it for over a year and you only miss the ones you love when they're gone, so if she lost it, boy would she miss it.)

Firefox is:

• The fastest browser
  
• Uses the least amount of memory
  
• The most extensible (and handles add-ons the best)
  
• Is open source software
  
• Works on all three major OSs
  
• Is considered the best browser on the market
  

Maybe she doesn't understand that little Firefox has gained ground since its release in 2004, capturing18%-39% of the browser market, depending on how you measure it.

Maybe she doesn't understand that Firefox began based on Netscape Navigator, the browser from the company Microsoft tried to kill with their "bundling" of Internet explorer that ended in an antitrust lawsuit.

Maybe she doesn't understand that Firefox represents the hard work of a fleet of
developers that are building the browser as open source software, pushing the envelope of performance, and creating true competition for Microsoft whose browser is successful not because it's better, but because it comes with Windows.

In any case, I now have Firefox 3 running on my MacBook Pro, and I am happy.

*SIGH*

Firefox 3 ... soon ...

So I realized that todays the day that Firefox 3 is being released, but when, in my excited state, I clicked on the links to get to the download as fast as I could, I found that nothing had changed since yesterday: FF3 is not yet available.

So what gives? Why can't I jump in and contribute to setting a World record for the most software downloads in a 24-hour period, and get the best browser on the market at the same time?

Apparently, they're not releasing it until 10:00 AM PDT -- 1:00 PM my time. And I'll be at a meeting then, so I'll have to wait even longer.

Ugh. I don't even like the way they've "integrated" it's look with the OS X theme -- I prefer Qute.

Oh, well. I'll have to wait until Qute's 'ported to FF3, and I'll have to wait until later today to get my copy of Firefox 3 itself.

An-ti-ci-pation is making me wait.

Father's Day SMASH!

Well, it's Father's Day. I'm not one for holidays, even those that are supposed to celebrate people like me, a father.

I will say, however, that it was a fine one. Three grandparents came out and we went and saw my daughter's gymnastics exhibition, which was great. It wasn't too long, it was nearby, and it included a lot of explanation of what the kids have been studying. Good stuff.

We then came back and got some BBQ ribs and chicken from the pizza joint at the end of my street. We have lived here for over 9 years and bought literally hundreds of pizzas from this locally-owned and run business, but we have never partaken of their ribs or chicken. Boy, have we been missing out. They were delicious! We had some cole slaw, garlic bread sticks, and french fries with them, along with some homemade noodle salad and some potato salad and stuff my brother's wife brought over. All in all, a great meal. I was, and am, highly satisfied.

Then, to top the day off, my brother and I went to see The Incredible Hulk tonight. Here's the review in a nutshell: Marvel studios is two for two. Iron Man rocked, and so did the Hulk. The movie was an excellent balance of homage to the previous movie, the TV show, and the comics. It was better than I expected it to be, which always makes a movie good.

So now I can relax and let the day end, and be content.

Ah, Father's Day.

BTW, here's a picture of me with the Hulk:


"Yeah? You wanna mess with me? Meet my bodyguard. heh heh"

Giving You the Business

At the end of April I ended six months of unemployment by going back to work for a friend of mine who owns his own high performance computer company.

I was designated, "Director of Operations." I've been charged with wearing many hats, one of which is marketing. This includes designing the new company logo. A couple of years ago, I had spent some time on the company's logo, coming up with several designs. But we never finalized it, and I was soon drawn into another job.

This time, with the fast expansion of the company's business, we didn't have time to waste. We sat down, discussed the company, went through my designs and picked one. I then took it to a graphic designer to get it set up and "graphic-ized." We were pretty happy with the result.

I took the resulting files and imported them into VectorDesigner, a program I got through MacHeist for my new laptop. With that, I built our business cards and had them printed up. Here's mine:



I am very excited at this fantastic opportunity to work at a company that possesses integrity and entrepreneurship, and that affords me the chance to exercise many of my mental muscles.

A Pain in the ... Heel

Well, it's not gout.

I've been having pain in my left heel for a few days now ... about a week or so. When I wake up, it's excruciating. If I stretch out my calf, it goes down, but it comes back if I'm inactive for any length of time.

My wife's stepfather had a strange issue that was similar. He had pains in the bottom of his foot, but when he saw the doctor, they x-rayed and found that he had several broken bones in the top of his foot. I didn't think that this was my issue, but I started to have concerns as it continued day after day.

The other day I had a bit much to drink, and the next morning it was the worst of all. I began to think it might be gout, as I understand alcohol exacerbates the issue. I started thinking that perhaps having a broken foot wouldn't be so bad -- I'd rather have a cast or whatever for a short time over having a lifetime of gout pain.

Well, I thought I might just need to see a doctor to find out, but I don't really have one, so my wife emailed a friend of ours that is a doctor to get a referral. My wife described my issue and here's the response:

Classic plantar fasciitis. Pain starts on back of heel or under heel on bottom of foot. Usually it is classified by bottom of foot anterior portion of heel bone, stiffens up overnight and once he starts walking on it it naturally stretches out. I had that for awhile, mine was from shoeware, (lack of good arch supports). There are many causes including heel spur. If that is all it is tell him to try antiinflam for a week round the clock. Stretch three times a day and look at the shoes he has been wearing. May need new pair or pair with better arch supports.

Well. This is exactly my issue.

She rounded out the message with this comment:

(Tell him I am not really impressed. I thought it was something a little trickier. HAHA)

I am excited to have such a mundane and easily treatable issue over the alternatives. *WHEW*

By the way, I did tell her that the pain only comes when I'm walking in a Westerly direction while whistling the theme to West Side Story.

When you're a Jet, you're a Jet.

There you go.

A Final Walk through Shadow

Way back in 1990 or so, my friend Ronn and I went to a game convention at a local university. We saw a speech on diceless roleplaying by a game designer that was releasing a new game. We'd seen some of the games that he'd written before, but they never piqued our interest. His speech, however, left an indelible impression in my mind.

This was Erick Wujcik, and the game he discussed was Amber Diceless Roleplaying. He had with him a copy of the book yet to be published, in loose-leave format without even a cover. He was so proud of it. His seminar covered some very interesting aspects of creating and running roleplaying games, and some insights about game design that were new to me.

Specifically, he explained how the game should reflect the source material, rather than starting with a game (such as GURPS) and then shoehorning the source material into the system.

This led me to think about one of my favorite movies in this light, and then to design and create what I consider my most complete and successful RPG design, Highlander Roleplaying, based on the Christopher Lambert movie.

Erick's game, Amber Diceless, also had a profound impact on me. I have read and re-read that game countless times. I have said of it that it is essential reading for anyone who runs or plays roleplaying games. It has directed and influenced all the games I have game mastered and played in since I first read it. It has expanded my thoughts and perceptions, and changed the way I experience my hobby in the most positive way. I cannot give it more compliment than that.

On Saturday, June 7, 2008, Erick Wujcik passed away at age 57 from pancreatic cancer. You can read more about this and all his accomplishments at his website, ErickWujcik.com.

I, for one, am saddened at the world's loss.

Stupid IPOWER.

Ugh. This whole thing is frustrating.

It started with an email from IPOWER, the company that I registered my domains through. They had a special going for web hosting. It was about half what I was paying before the owners of my previous host took the money and ran, leaving all their subscribers high and dry.

I've never had a problem with the company and Ronn used to use them. So I signed up and set up my family website, like I had before.

Then I remembered that my family pretty much never used the site in the past. But what the heck. It would be there if I could convince anyone to be interested.

And then I thought I'd move my blog over there. So I went to set up WordPress in my subdomain, doug.parkspages.com. But it wouldn't go. So I contacted customer support. ONE AND A HALF HOURS LATER, and it still won't work.

I'm a bit frustrated by the whole thing, but there's not much I can do. I'm trying to manually install the crap that I want to work, but the outlook's not good.

Ah, well.

Nietzsche Family Circus

Okay. The Woot WWWoundup turned me on to the Nietzsche Family Circus. I'm now addicted to it. You should check it out and hit refresh to see a new combination. Crazy funny.

Muttered and Depressed Ramblings

I've sort of taken the last few days off. I started my new job a couple of weeks ago and I've been worrying myself sick that I haven't spent enough time working it. But I kind of took the long weekend off. It hasn't really improved my outlook, though.

Essentially, the time I've spent hasn't been that productive, and all it's given me is time to realize that I have very little passion left.

This is a post about my long-lost friend, role-playing.

When I was younger, I looked at everything through the lens of creativity, mostly in the vein of how the real world could fuel the creation of fantasy worlds and games of the imagination. I remember art history in college, and how I applied the different architectures to different fantasy races. This feeling is long gone, with only the barest dregs left to remind me of what I've lost.

I occasionally pick up an RPG -- Star Trek, or more recently, Prince Valiant and Over the Edge -- and begin thinking about them and how cool it would be to play them again. But I glance through, and the rules don't inspire me, and the setting and it's potential don't inflame my spirit with interest or desire. I think, "I'd like to play or run this game," but the feeling's fleeting, and malaise takes over.

I realize I've lost this passion I used to have, and I miss it. I read some game blogs and think of the people, older than me, who are still enthralled by the hobby, and I can't quite see how they can be.

For the first time in my life, I'm rooted firmly in the real world. And it makes me sad.

My technology -- let me show you it.

Okay. Let's skip to the chase. Back just before I left my last job (that'd be in October of '07), I had the opportunity to get a new laptop -- this time, one of my very own, not a company computer.

I had been thinking about getting a laptop for quite a while, and when the opportunity came up, I snagged it. It came from a friend of one of my mothers-in-law, up there in the Buffalo. It was slightly used by this fella's son, who was told the one he got wouldn't work and he'd need to get a new one. Consequently, it had already been opened up and used a bit, but on the other hand, he discounted it quite a bit.

It's a MacBook Pro.

Here's a shot of it with me writing this post:


I'd wanted to get a Mac for a while. I put together a new PC in '06 or early '07, but it's a monstrous desktop job with a fan that sounds like a jet engine. That was my fault, but in any case, I've been tired of fighting with Windows and dealing with the crap surrounding it. And with all the muckety muck surrounding Vista, I just didn't want to continue down that road. So I gave it some thought.

I figured out that what I use the computer for the most is:

• Doing research on the web
• Writing in word processors
  
• Email (mostly on the web)
  
• Reading books &/or watching movies

Things I also use the computer for are:

• Backing up my DVDs
• and, uh ... I dunno.

One thing's for sure -- it's not used to play games. I have an Xbox and a Wii for that. And a Super Nintendo, but that's another story.

So what this all means, is that the things that make a PC more useful versus the Macintosh are not things that I do with any great frequency.

Add to that the fact that I wanted to increase my facility with the Mac OS, and you've pretty much eliminated any reasons not to get a Mac.

So I got one. I've had it for about three months now, so much of the crazy first impressions have faded, but over the next few days I'll try to put down in words my experience with the thing. I'll tell you the things I like about it, the things I don't like, the things I absolutely loathe, as well as the things I love.

Plus, I'll tell you about some of the cool things I've discovered that make the Mac -- a relatively nice machine with a reasonably functional interface -- into a powerhouse of fancy computing ecstasy.

Stay tuned!

Six-Word Memoirs

So my wife pointed me to this NPR story: Six-Word Memoirs: Life Stories Distilled.

Here's the first paragraph:

Once asked to write a full story in six words, legend has it that novelist Ernest Hemingway responded: "For Sale: baby shoes, never worn."

So these editors asked readers "to write the story of their own lives in a single sentence," and then they wrote a book about it. Or at least with all these sentences in it. (I guess they made a buck off all their readers, but that's not what this post is about.)

In any case, go read the article and come back. I'll wait.

Okay. So then I tried to write my own. I came up with three.

The first one is:

Dreamed big, worked little, achieved less.

I don't think that's really me. I'm just down on this whole job/success thing.

Then I read one about faith, something I've had a rocky relationship with in the past. I came up with this one:

Lost faith, sought meaning, found life.

But that's not really me.

Finally, I came up with something that sums up how I've been feeling the last couple of years:

I miss my love of dreaming.

Kind of depressing, but there it is.

So, what's your six-word memoir?

Stardate 0802.20

Star Trek. I've been sort of obsessing over it. I don't know if it's because I'm actually interested in it right now or if I'm focused on it because I have other things to do.

And, oddly, this time it's the old show -- the original -- with William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy.

I watched the Wrath of Khan the other day (in increments, as I tend to do). I think it all stemmed from the starship combat rules I was tinkering with, which led me to Starfleet Battles, which led me to Federation Commander, which led me to Khaaan! which led me to TOS.

So now I've been watching those shows, out of order, and ... really really enjoying them. They are really good. Here's where I'm seeing them: Fancast.

I dug out my Prime Directive and Last Unicorn Games Star Trek RPGs and was reading up on the stuff a bit more. I'm not sure if it's the escape desire or what, but I've been thinking a lot about role-playing again. I don't really want to run a game; I'd much rather play. But when I want to game, I pretty much want the game to be what I want it to be, which means I'd have to run it.

And who would play in a Star Trek game set in the old show?

In any case, the old Kirk/Spock Trek dynamic is pretty cool. I like the show. I like the sets. I like the uniforms. I like the stories. Crazy, after all these years.

I can't, however, find my stash of phasers and communicators. I'm not sure where I put the box that that stuff is hiding in. Like I need to have some toys to play with right now.

What I need to do is take care of my real responsibilities.

Same crap, different place

Well, parkspages.com is currently down -- has been for months. I just haven't taken the time or money to open it up again.

So in the meantime, I'm posting crap here. Since I haven't told anyone about it, I'm sure that I'll be the only one that reads stuff here.

I'm also working on a blog/wiki thing over at TiddlySpot using TiddlyWiki, which just happens to be a fantastic tool. I'll be tracking some of my projects over there while I get things together to return to my online identity.

Right now, I'll bring you up to date:

I am currently unemployed, having left my last job of my own accord back in October. My only real regret about that job is that after working there for 90 days, I accepted a full-time position; something I should not have done. That last year there was one of the darkest times of my life, based 60% on me, and 40% on the job.

I have been working with a career counselor trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I've slacked off on that (haven't talked to him since before X-mas) and feel that I really need to get back into it. I have the materials, it's just getting myself in the right frame of mind to do what I need to do. He's a good guy, and I think the path of self-discovery that he sets out will do me some good.

Our house is falling apart. Well, not really, but we've reached maximum saturation on kipple. The massive quantities of STUFF are taking over our house. We have no place to put it. And with my wife working more to make up for my no-job slack, many of the housework chores are falling to me. Vacuuming, laundry, dishes, and general tidying up are taking up a lot of my time. I don't know how I'll ever get to the basement to clean it out and make way for my massive Rock Band stage (more on that later).

And finally, I'm wrestling with the fact that I'm 40, that I'm in my fifth decade of life and have nothing but grey beard hairs to show for it. I've had one high-paying job, but I've lacked the ambition to parlay that into a second high-paying job. My artistic talent has proven to be nothing but an esteem-crusher since I've done nothing with it, and the many projects I've started and never completed decorate my subconscious like vicious Christmas ornaments on a slowly drying tree in the living room of my mind. It's a pretty ominous and awesome thing sitting right smack in the middle of my life. A thing I'll need to blow up with dynamite rather than chip away at with the tiny hammer and chisel I normally use on problems.

There are many things I'd like to have. I'd like to have a patio, a basement that doesn't leak, a driveway, hell -- an expansion on the house -- and things like Rock Band and a car that I have confidence in.

But I'll never get these at this rate.

If I've ever been headed for a Significant Emotional Event, it's right now. Something's got to give, and I just hope it's not my spirit. I have to believe that I'm stronger than this, that I can overcome this worming malaise that's gripped me.

I need a plan.

I need to iron out what I need to do.

I need to overcome the grasp of laziness, the Beetle Bailey syndrome that's been a hallmark of my life, and start to intentionally move forward.

This is the direction I'll be moving. This is the way I want to go.

Welcome!

This is my online place for trying to make sense of the cacophony of thoughts that run amok within my brainspace.

Thanks for joining me.